Emunah in being single

Being single on Valentine’s Day has always been hard. You hear it all around. The jealousy is rife when those around us receive gifts and glow from their special someone. There’s extreme joy in the air and extreme bitterness. For many Valentine’s Day is a reminder of what they don’t have or haven’t “achieved”. It’s a reminder of all the failed dates, past relationships and social/family pressures to “be there”. In fact just dating for a long time gives you the same sense. A heaviness. A defeat.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. In fact, it shouldn’t be that way. Who are you to want another’s destiny? Who are you to take for granted your own path in life? Are you angry at God? Do you know better than He does?

No, you don’t! You’re single because that’s what Hashem wants of you right now. Maybe He is waiting for you to do something, to change something. Maybe it’s not you at all and your soul mate is just not ready: too young, unemployed, wrong location, etc. The point is, you have no idea what the future holds.

Yes, waiting is hard. Waiting for the unknown is even harder. And yet, with emunah, it’s all not only doable, it’s beautiful. Emunah gives us patience. It gives us pleasure in the moment because it helps us let go of our false control of the future. When you don’t fear what’s to come, what’s to be, you can just be.

Yes, we need to put in our effort (hishtadlut), but the effort isn’t about controlling the result. The effort is to be open to opportunity. If you’re open it will happen, but at the time it needs to. Hashem doesn’t operate on your time. Technically, He is outside of time. He already sees it. He has a plan, and trust me, it will be a better plan than you can ever think of. The Maker of time and reality can surely have some good ideas about your life too. So let go of needing to know, to be somewhere you’re not meant to be, and enjoy the moment of being here and now. Enjoy your singlehood. Work on yourself, give to others, let Hashem drive, and be open to His offer, whenever it knocks on your door.

Oh, and go buy yourself and your single friends some flowers!

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