What to look out for when dating for marriage

This is a summary of a class I heard from a very special Rebbetzin about what six things to look out for when you date.

1. MUST LIKE AND ADMIRE THEM AS THEY ARE: So when it comes to the other person’s spirituality, character, personal hygiene, communication skills, and personal habits, make sure you can live with these as they are now.

2. CHARACTER OVER ATTRACTION:4 traits to look for:

Humility: Does this person believe that “doing the right thing” is more important than personal comfort?

Kindness: Does this person enjoy giving pleasure to other people? How does s/he treat people s/he doesn’t have to be nice to? Does s/he do volunteer work? Give charity? Does he spend more money on others than himself? Does he speak loshen hora/judge people he doesn’t like?

Responsibility: Can I depend on this person to do what s/he says s/he’s going to do? Are there examples of him being responsible?

Happiness: Does this person like himself? Does s/he enjoy life? Is s/he emotionally stable? Can he describe his ‘layers’?

Ask yourself: Do I want to be more like this person? Do I want to have a child with this person? Would I like my child to turn out like him?

3. MUST LIKE THEIR FAMILY OR WHOEVER THEY TAKE AFTER: See who is their inspiration, find out why they admire that person. You need to know both who they want to be like, and who they are like now.

4. CAN I BUILD WITH WHAT THIS PERSON GIVES ME? Is what he brings into the relationship what I need – does it compliment my skills/attitudes in a way that we can reach the SAME goals? What are his goals – could I see myself living HIS GOALS?

5. HE ADORES WHO I AM: On the inside and out, the good, the bad and the ugly. He should also know how to show me his love – does he make me feel special?

6. EMOTIONAL SAFETY: Do I feel calm, peaceful and relaxed with this person? Can I fully be myself and express myself with this person? Does this person make me feel good about myself? Do you have a really close friend who does make you feel this way? Make sure the person you marry makes you feel the same way!

Are you afraid of this person in any way? You should not feel you need to monitor what you say because you are afraid of how the other person will view it. If you’re afraid to express your feelings and opinions openly, there’s a problem with the relationship.

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