Dealing with non-frum family

There’s a lot of discussion about dealing with non-frum family in the Beyond BT site. It’s a hot topic for all baalei teshuva’s because we all go threw it to some degree. It’s also a very sensitive topic as everyone has different types of relationships with their parents and families to begin with. Here’s some tips other Baalei Teshuva have provided:

– Almost every BT has to resolve conflicts with their parents, it is a normal process.

– Obviously every parent and every situation is different, but it does need to be pointed out.

– There is an emotional factor of rejection that the parent often feels when the BT chooses a (radically) different lifestyle.

– There is also an implicit (and sometimes explicit) statement that what I’m doing is right and what you’re doing is wrong.

– One general approach is to be as accommodating and accepting as possible and over the long term expose the relatives to the depth and beauty of Torah.

– Another approach is to encourage mitzvos observance (positive and negative) whenever possible in a reasonable manner.

– We generally should set the rules in on our own houses, but we should consider which rules to set and how to gently enforce them.

– When our children are negatively effected by non-Torah behaviors we have to weigh that factor in heavily.

– We need to internalize the truth that our non observant relatives are good people and impart that understanding to our children. Non-observance is generally due to a lack of knowledge in our generation.

– If we focus on growing together, perhaps there will be less conflicts.

– BT conflicts with parents can be shalom bayis issues and a rav should be consulted.

– Every time you do or say something think whether it will create a Kiddush Hashem or Chillul Hashem.

– Most important word that summarizes this entire thread – tolerance!

To read more visit these popular posts & comments:

1. Dealing with non-observant parents

2. Alienating family & breaching values


3 Comments Add yours

  1. Mark says:

    Hi, this is a great summary of this topic.
    Can we repost it on Beyond BT.

  2. Mark says:

    Can you email us at and let us know whether we can post this summary on BeyondBT. Or just add a comment here letting us know whether it’s ok.
    – Thanks

    1. laurabb says:

      No problem at all. You can re-post.

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