The baal teshuva’s challenge in dating for marriage

So you think you’re ready for a shidduch, someone to build your life with? As a baal teshuva it’s not easy. There are so many questions both about the dating scene and what happens after…that thing called marriage. Many of us come from uncertainty and try to build some kind of understanding of truth and morality through the Torah. At some point you feel comfortable enough in your own skin to look for someone to build with. Where do you go from there? Do you have a network you can rely on? Do your new contacts in the Torah world know you well enough to recommend people to you? For most baal teshuva, probably not. And you sure can’t ask your parents or your ‘old’ friends.

Unfortunately too many get stuck on ‘finding the one’ and lose focus on what they’re trying to attain. In fact, they’re not trying to attain anything – they’re trying to find someone who they can grow with. Marriage is not about having, it’s about giving to someone else. And with that comes enormous challenges and growth. You will be given someone intrinsically different to you (no matter how similar you think you are when getting engaged), and they and you will both be pushed to your limits. That’s the realities. The beauty of it is that as a baal teshuva we look for growth, we look for something real. This is the epitome of that and the Torah is a vital ingredient to give you the guidelines of how to get it right. Like the personal growth you’ve already done, it’s both challenging and rewarding. Now it’s about bringing someone else into the equation, with their own habits, history, family, and goals.

If you’re ready to take all this on then the below shidduch resource will hopefully be of great help to you. The dedicated people in this organisation aim to make your life easier by helping you find the right person.

Source: via BaalTeshuva on Pinterest


Here’s what they have to say:

“So many of us have addressed this issue. Support for Baalei Teshuva and BTs’ children in shidduchim. Young men and women who have made the momentous change of becoming frum, are now way beyond that decision, and are ready to move on and set up their own homes. But, where to start? They don’t have the inborn network that their FFB friends have. And they certainly can’t ask their parents to do the research for them. Who will guide them through a shidduch?

Now Oorah, with decades of experience working with Baalei Teshuva at all stages of life, has stepped in to address this need.



The Rebbetzins is Oorah’s shadchan network, a free service designed to provide singles between the ages of 18 – 30 from Baal Teshuva background with a way of connecting to reliable information about other singles throughout the United States and Canada.

The Rebbetzins program has a centralized network of trustworthy Rebbetzins in major communities. An Oorah Rebbetzin is a wise, life-experienced, reliable person who actively works on behalf of one single at a time, just as a parent does. Your Rebbetzin will take the time to get to know the real you. You’ll never be just a name and a resume.

There are many advantages in being part of this program.  It is a one on one relationship; the Rebbetzin is supportive and available; and she definitely has the best interests of the boy/girl she is working with in mind.

Confidentiality is paramount.  A system is in place where only the Rebbetzin knows the name of the person they are helping. Only when there is a viable suggestion are names exchanged and the shidduch moves forward.

To find out more about the program, to volunteer as a Rebbetzin, to apply, or to refer a friend, please go to or call our office at 1-877-REBBETZINS.”

Give it a go I’d say. Why not? What do you have to lose? And what do you have to gain? A person never knows from where their besheret may come.


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