Torah: What’s your source?

Having completed 4.5 years of university, one of the key messages I learnt was “you have to have a good source”. Whenever you are looking for the truth of a matter, you should always know who said it and where they got it from. This helps remove bias and means you don’t just believe what anyone says. And you get better marks.

Just like in the academic world, in Judaism there’s also a value put on the source. The further back we go the greater the Rabbis and the closer in time to Hashem’s revelation and the giving of the Torah. Our chances of finding truth (emes) increases as the chain between people decreases. One great Rabbi told me that one of the three important considerations when choosing who your Rabbi should be is that chain: Who was his Rabbi, and that Rabbi’s Rabbi, and so on.

Amazingly, some Rabbis in our generation can outline their whole lineage. And it’s not lineage for the sake of lineage. Much of Torah is the oral tradition and the spoken chain from teacher to student is pivotal in finding the real truth. Even in Judaism there will be people who pass off falsehoods for truths and its our responsibility to know the difference. We must get to the bottom of the source, know its root and who said it. It’s a big task when you’re baal teshuva as you start grappling with even the basic concepts, but it is an important part of questioning what we learn.

A good place to start is making sure the Jewish books you read are from a reliable source. How? Many Jewish books start with references from great Rabbis of our generation. It’s an endorsement that what you’re about to read is not fiction.

So, authenticity applies just as much in the Torah world as it does anywhere else. Before you believe every word that man says because he has a long beard and kippah, consider his sources. Does he tell you what they are? Are they good enough? Question, research and ask. It’s part of learning and growing towards the truth. And there’s a lot of truth to discover.

Torah Inspiration: choose life, choose good

You know you have a deep friendship when you can sit together motzei Shabbos and listen to shiurim until 5:30am. You also know that you have a bit of an addiction. Baruch HaShem, Torah can be very addictive. Is it the excitement of gaining knowledge? The depth of the wisdom? The connection within yourself to something so much deeper or to the oneness of the world? Probably all of the above.

Either way, I’m on a high and want to share it with you, as these highs come in waves and so I hope you can catch some of this now.

Here’s some notes from a shiur by Rabbi Aaron I heard last night. The class can be found on a site called torahcafe.com. So excited to have been told about a new resource with hundreds of free shiurim. In our digital age the Internet can be used for so much good and we can have access to so many great Rabbis and Rebbetzins from the other end of the earth, even from Australia.

Our life purpose, Rabbi Aaron
What aspect of God are you? What good are you?
Look at your yetzar hara. What is it that you’re most challenged with ethically and spiritually? That is why you’re here, to perfect this. “What’s perfect about us is that we’re imperfect beings, with the ability to choose to become a little bit more perfect”. That’s your purpose. What’s the choices I can make today?

How do we make the right choices? Know that you’re not alone. I just work here, I don’t own the universe. You have to choose to speak on behalf of God. Know who you work for. This gives you greater energy. To be a holy person means to know that you’re part of a greater whole.

We have to make choices. That’s our job. People tend to avoid making choices. Don’t worry about the consequences. Just make the choice using ethics set out in the Torah. HaShem will do the rest, what will happen is up to Him. We just need to make the choice. You have no control over what happens after. You’re responsible for your choice, just make the choice in God’s name. You are very powerful, just stop running away from your choices.

“Who you are is God’s gift to you, who you become is your gift to God.”

“You are a Godly being having a human experience”. There’s nothing but God. Not ‘there is one God’, God is One. “We’re the embodiment of the possibility of God choosing good. We are an aspect of him. One self, one consciousness”. We are His ability to choose good, not just be good like angels. Thats why we were given the Torah, because we have a yetzer hara and have the power of choosing good, therefore we are the aspect of Hashem that can choose good. Each one of us is one of those Devine possibilities. Go and celebrate your goodness, but you have to choose it.

Photography Inspired

Dabbling in photography whenever I can. Check it out on http://instagram.com/baalteshuva

Letting go, 1, 2, 3.

More than anything, one of the strongest themes I’ve seen come out of the last two and a half years of my life is one of coping. Coping in tough times is one of the biggest challenges that we all face in our lives at one stage or another. Those that cope better achieve more, jumping on positive change faster and moving on from negative change easier. The one constant is change itself, and even more so for a baal teshuva.

What I’ve experienced is three-fold: 1. Those with stronger self-esteem cope better, 2. Those with strong community ties cope better, 3. Those that truly believe in Hashem cope better.

And in many ways, all of these three are a product of being an observant Jew (generally speaking of course). Judaism is the framework which focuses on these exact three areas: man and man, man and his fellow man, and man and Hashem. If we were to learn and internalise the lessons taught in each of these areas, then we would in effect be developing ourselves to cope better.

I’ve been fortunate enough to get the self esteem foundation from my family, have latched onto a very caring community, and have been able to build my emuna through Torah learning. I am so thankful for these things as I truly believe it was what made the last two years and four months bearable. In fact, it was what made the last two years and four months worthwhile. I remember the relief I felt when these three elements came together and I no longer felt sorry for myself or my situation. I just felt happy. Free, at least emotionally.

In contrast, I watched people very close to me who do not have that last important element, the belief in Hashem, and they did and still do suffer for it. When you don’t have emuna you think it’s all in your hands, it’s all up to you. You are the judge, jury, and executor. Either you act or you suffer. How stressful that is! How much pressure that causes! How vengeful do you become! When you have emuna the need to act gets some perspective. Yes, you do need to try to fix things, but you also learn that no matter what, it will turn out right. Hashem has your best interests in mind. More so, it’s exactly because He has your best interests in mind that you are going through what you’re going through. So you act but with peace in your heart. And when it’s all over and you get past the challenge you can look back and smile. Not just because it’s over, but also at how well you coped. That is the true achievement in any challenge.

May you never have difficult challenges, but if you do, may you have the self-esteem, community and emuna to go through it with peace.

Emuna and Challenges

“Every affliction that happens to you is designed to set you free from the emotion that affliction triggers. He wants you to work through that.” – Doniel Katz

The German apology

I’ve never really understood people who don’t buy German products because of the holocaust. It always seemed a wasted effort for their piece of protest and act of remembering. But we must remember. In a few days its Yom HaShoah, the commemoration of the holocaust.

Before tonight I had never met a German, let alone a Jew-loving, Israel-living, Messianic one. Although I know Germany extends a lot of support to Israel these days and pays survivors, I’ve never heard an apology before.

Tonight this middle aged lady with blond hair and strong Arian features sat in front of me and told me in the most sincere kind voice how apologetic she is for what happened to us Jews. She really meant every word. She herself feels responsible and guilty for what her people did to us.

I tend to think of myself as very forgiving, everyone deserves forgiveness. And yet, as she spoke I couldn’t look at her. While intellectually I know she was not involved as an individual, inside of me I can’t help but feel disdain. The damage they did in each city, each street, each house and to each individual is in fathomable. How can any apology be enough?

So you have to ask yourself why? Where are these emotions and thoughts coming from? And as more often than not the answer always lays within.

One of the triggers for my journey back into Yiddishkite was my family history. My Jewish heritage was torn away from my family and therefore me during the last few generations, the generations of war and communism. For some reason I’ve always blamed the Russians more than the Germans. Yet it was the Germans that captured and hung my great-grandmother’s two brothers and then killed her pregnant sister. They did that. They forced all sides of my family to flee their homes, to run for their lives, and many didn’t make it out. Those that did left their Yiddishkite with their demolished homes. I wonder, what would we have been if not for that grotesque war. Would we still be frum living in the shtetle? Would I have to spend many years rediscovering who I am as a Jew? Would I have had the opportunity to return to Israel, to Jerusalem, as my ancestors had prayed?

What is there to forgive her for? I have nothing against her personally. She did not pull the trigger. But the thought that her grandfather may have is what bothers me. It bothers me because of the family I’ve lost as a result and the gap it created that i now have to fill. The reason we have so many baalei teshuva is this gap. My mission is this gap. And so, in my being baal teshuva i am remembering and commemorating every day. Maybe this is why Yom HaShoah is not such a big day in the religious community. We are the commemoration. Every shabbos candle we light, every bracha we say, every mitzvah we do, we are bridging the gap and living up to our ancestors.

So, while i try in my own way to fill the Jewish link of Torah that was lost, and these repenting German’s try to fill the gap with their money and apologies, maybe Hashem will forgive those who created the gap: those that held the weapons, those who stood by and did nothing, and those of us who could not go on as Jews after.

Pesach 2013 coming to a house near you!

If it’s true what they say, that the more effort you put into something the more you appreciate it, then Pesach must be the most loved festival!

After a full day of scrubbing, vacuuming, taping, and spraying, I’m exhausted! Most people who have a kosher kitchen turned over to Pesach mode a few days ago to give them time to cook. Since I’m eating and living out of home most of Pesach, I’ve had to do relatively little. The photo is my make-shift mini Pesach kitchen in my non kosher surroundings. Hope all those who are in similar situations, living in not the most kosher friendly circumstances can make the best out of why they have. Last year I got some electric frypans and it was the best investment. Also, keep all your kosher items in boxes for next year. It makes the following year much easier and less stressful. It’s also a really nice surprise to open the Pesach boxes and realize there’s not much you need to get.

Have a kosher, fun and meaningful Pesach, and may we all be blessed this month with the miracle of true freedom, physically and spiritually.